Decoding Male Behavior: A Guy’s Take on Neediness
They really help a big deal. Now I can correct some of those hurtful mistakes. You know she helped u paint your kitchen, she helped you buy groceries when u fell short one month. I lived with my boyfriend for a year before he asked me to move out. Lili Boyd Good advice. I agree with the writer. Hi Eric, I really wish I had read this article over a year ago.
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Maybe Hes seeing your friend. Heidi Hi Eric, I really wish I had read this article over a year ago. Here are six dating tips to help you keep your head during this exciting time. You are stating that in order for us to have a healthy relationship we need balance for it to work? My relationship just ended for these very reasons — as you say, I put all my eggs in one basket and the pressure was put on him to be all that made me happy. Alleged hazing victim files lawsuit against Christian college, football players Charles Nagy, who transferred to Wheaton College, was allegedly assaulted.
Here are six dating tips to help you keep your head during this exciting time. Did you say something wrong? Were you wearing the wrong things? In a healthy relationship, the feelings are mutual. You respect each other and have fun together. Maybe the love of your life has turned mean and selfish.
Maybe you realize you want something better. Authorities secretly bugged home of missing baby Sabrina's parents. Missing baby Sabrina's parents become suspects in her disappearance.
Five-month-old baby Sabrina disappears from her crib inside home. Loyola Chicago basketball team prays with year-old Sister Jean before a big win. A passenger with a 2-year-old was ordered off a Southwest Airlines flight. Man killed by a pound boulder while driving down a California freeway. Baby missing after suspect steals car left running with girl inside: Police Zoe Jordan, who is 10 months old, has been missing since Friday night. Mom of girl, 16, who may have fled with older man pleads: Two storms making mess across US; new nor'easter still uncertain There is the potential for another nor'easter this week.
Walmart employee turns in man charged with possessing weapons cache The employee called police after noticing suspicious purchases. Engineer reported cracks in Florida bridge days before collapse: Missing girl, 16, may have flown to Cancun with year-old man: Alleged hazing victim files lawsuit against Christian college, football players Charles Nagy, who transferred to Wheaton College, was allegedly assaulted.
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Nike president retiring as the company addresses workplace behavior concerns The company did not specify why Trevor Edwards, 55, is retiring. I agree with this but the thing is how can you show a guy you appreciate all the things he does for you without seeming needy? It comes of to them as neediness or clingyness. I happened upon this post as I was desperately searching for answers as well as a good therapist to talk to. Your post answered my questions very well. To be fair, he tries very hard and has come a long way in terms of giving me more affection and attention since I met him.
I am still not satisfied—especially when he is away on a business trip or working overtime. Sometimes I can hide my moodiness, sometimes I fail at that. I now know why—I am entirely dependent on him and him alone to fill my life with joy and happiness.
It must be exhausting for him. I know he loves me very much to put up with me but I still constantly want him to tell me he loves me more than anything and assures me of his commitment to be with me forever.
No wonder he seems hesitant about moving in or deepening the relationship. No wonder he has his walls up. I am doing it all wrong. Anyhow, pretty much all the things you said in your post hit a nerve with me. Thank you so much for such insight and advice.
I know what I need to do now. When my life is not empty like it is now, when I am not solely reliant on him to make my life happy, I know I will feel better about myself and be happier in general. I do feel very shitty about how I am right now and how I hurt him. Thank you and I signed up for your site. I so wish I had seen this article a few months ago!! Thanks Eric — I just wish I had seen this earlier…. I am a married woman who is fortunate enough to have a very loving husband. However, I have felt trapped for many years and I guess I was open to any distraction.
I was contacted — out the blue — by a co-worker lives in another country who showed me all the sexual attention I needed. He made me feel young, desirable, fun, liberated. For the first time in years, I felt like a woman — not a wife or mother.
A woman — red blooded, sexy, vivacious! He told me from the start that he had done this before and that he kept his home life completely separate but he was totally smitten and he said so.
Not having done this before, I started to pin all my self-esteem on this guy. We escalated very quickly to complete and utter intense flirting webchats, photos, explicit phonecalls. I was so excited. But I became too needy.
I am convinced he is so repulsed by me that even if I was the hottest thing on the planet, he would run a mile. The strong-willed, independant, intelligent fun woman who he was escaping with was replaced with this desparate, clingy nuisance.
And now I feel completely gross to my husband and just generally! Girls — please take heed. Give them a chance to chase you. Aside from keeping them interested, him chasing you feels better that you chasing them….
So this article has done good and bad things to my thoughts. I met someone at the beginning of my travels, and well simply put, it was an amazing connections. Unfortunately, I had another 4 months of travelling planned. We kept in touch the whole time. Now I am at the end of my 4 months and I am going to stay with him for a few weeks, as we planned.
But the contact has been less and less frequent the closer it comes to my arrival. He still seems excited, but I can only presume his obvious lack of contact means he is less interested now. I put forward some semi-serious questions recently, but it was in fairness, a retaliation of the months of seriousness build up he was giving me. And now I really do feel like the crazy one wanting more contact and wearing this silly negative hat, before anything has even happened.
Usually I am happy to go with the flow, do my thing and let them like the busy, exciting, independent person I have been. So I have been having a crush on this guy who is only 19 years old while I am 22 and have a boyfriend and a kid who I live with I am totally a mess cause I really love this 19 year old and I was stupid enough to give my sister this 19 year old guys contact details cause she also likes him but I knew him way before her. He said, he would stop, but kept doing it.
After a while, I told him we were not compatible, and to stop calling. He did, for a while, and started back. I feel that he has somebody, and is afraid to tell me. What do I do? And now you are scared he has someone else. It seems like two seperate things. The only way to know if he has someone is to flat out ask him.
Also, why if he is putting so much effort into you do you think he has someone else? I need ur help, i have been talking with this guy for more then one month we met online dating we really connected we text and talk over the phone every time we had a change until few weeks ago he started to be distance we had talk about meeting in person but i started complaining about him not calling i even text saying that he was not putting the same effort like before few hours he respond that is went he explain he been busy with work and this summer he will spend time with two kids therefore it was not a good time for a relationship so he ask if we could just stay friend if that was okay with me… i knew i had made the mistake to be so pushy i should just go with the flow but any ways at this point im not trying to me make contact im not sure what to do is going to sound crazy but with the short time we talk i really like him and i was looking forward to meet him what i do to at this point i really would like an opportunity with this men?
I love the articles on this site, they have helped me SOO much, you have no idea! I lived with my boyfriend for a year before he asked me to move out. It took many crying phone calls to him to find out it was because I stopped doing things. He said I was confident, independant and never gave up on my dreams when I met him, I went out with the girlfriends worked as much as possible and saved really hard.
Go to work, go on holidays, have girls nights, chase your dreams and never ever give up, and if he doesnt appreciate you for that he is not worth keeping. It makes you wish you could have realized what you were doing before it was too late. But feeling like you need someone like that and then having them ends things with you is a scary feeling because I am feeling it right now!
My ex told me he was so attracted to me in the beginning because I was so confident and independent. At least I learned from it, and will know for the next guy hopefully!
Good luck to you! Hi Eric, Thanks for sharing your insight! I and this guy have known each other for 5 months. About two weeks ago I told him I like him I thought I was really really sincere when telling him, not sure if I did it wrongly that way… and he asked me out. The thing is, he has been going through a very tough time at work. However, as I thought I still need to show my interest and care, I sent him a text to thank for the evening the day after our date, and then once again after 3 days just to ask how he is doing to that I got no response.
I am going to leave him for some time…and not going to text him again unless he texts me first. Or do you have any advice on how to handle this situation. You are daring and i applaud you for going out there with your feelings, however, you deserve to have a guy go after you.
Hi Ami, thank you very much indeed for your nice words. My only concern leading to all these happenings was because I tried to walk into his shoes…I thought he was not either in the mood for a relationship or do the chasing, not to mention that he is sort of a workaholic I admire him for how he puts his effort into work I have to admit.
But well, as I said, I am not going to contact him again unless he makes another move. Hi Amy, I got curious did the two of you went dating? I am obviously on the same situation and decided not to text him and try to move on but at the moment he still is in my mind and heart and feel like I hate myself for not being able to move on so quickly.
Hows thing with you? I sent him a text about two weeks after my post here. I made the right move at that point. I heard somewhere men often withdraw into their cave to sort out their problem when they are going through hard time and come back once their problems are resolved. It seemed to be true in my case so far.
Now I find myself insecure and tired again having no clue about how this is going to turn out. I would not dare to ask for a clear answer He gave me an answer once yet I kept thinking what if he lost his interest after doing the confession. Many of us women are like that: Feeling helpless, ignored, neglected, all that. If not, then better moving on. But one thing you need to bear in mind, communication is key. Guessing game is daunting and hurtful. Be simple and sweet. That may scare them away and you will become the victim of your own emotions after all.
Also, keep yourself occupied with other things, ladies out, exercises, work…etc. Eric, thank you so much for being so wise. You gave me real advice that I can actually apply. He ended things a month ago saying he felt his freedom was being taken away and he needed time alone and just needs to be by himself right now, but that this could be the best thing for both of us and we could end up closer and better than before.
We were in contact the month after our breakup, until I realized that was too painful for me because I was still wanting more, so now I have told him I need no contact with him until I can heal and feel indifferent.
What is your advice on my best course of action at this point? To leave him alone and hope maybe he will miss me and give us another chance? There was so much potential and I realized I ruined it with my lack of information about how to act in a relationship. Please give me any advice on where I should go from here. Thank you so much!!! I have been with my boyfriend for 5 months! This article was so hopeful..
I just hope i can save the relationship before its to late, because his such and amazing person and i love been around him. Previous to my movin back to town i used to be the complete oppisite, always busy, working 12 hour days always out with friends. Hi Eric, I met a man online. I cancelled a couple times because I these as red flags as they happened before we even met. I ended up going out with him. Our 3rd date he cancelled on me at 3 in the afternoon because he told me he was tired and was golfing and him and his friend were going to have an early night.
Thing is he had said on the last date he wanted me to meet this friend so I thought why did he not invite me to that early dinner. Next day he informed me that his friend and others he was golfing with spent a late night out.. At dinner he pulled out his phone to show myself and another couple an exgirlfriend who was an alcoholic who stalked him.
I saw you had written what the big picture and was it to fight the small battle or with the war relationship. I have high standards so I thought when I got angry, or controlling it was just me. We stopped seeing eachother two weeks ago. I have had a hard time going on in my life with some stress.
I called him last Monday.. I went online to see if he was on after we spoke, he was and I called him on it.. I mean it made me feel bad obviously. Since then I have become a needy, insecure mess. I called the next day and he said forget you are too insecure, etc. Since then I have initiated contact.. I would like a chance to try again, or should I.
He keeps me hanging.. Tonight I got a call from his number… and some weird noise with his voice was on my vm. Is this a close and shut case at this point.
Was this me that ruined this from the begininng or was there red flags from him I should have heeded. The last time I wrote on here I was feeling needy and in a relationship that i was SO unhappy in. With a wonderful romantic guy who gives and gives and gives. I see how this whole investing thing works, and I see it is smart to allow the other person to invest themsleves in you. Not just you in them. Cause yes i like him, but i am not that invested to be honest. Eric, i love yoU!
First, be aware that when you do things for the other person, you are investing yourself further and further into them not the other way around.
Just being aware of this is helpful since most people believe the reverse is true…. Eric … your insight is respectful and inspiring …. I really like what you wrote here about putting yourself first. What do I mean by that? Well, let me give you an analogy…. When I was visiting with my family during the holidays, one of my cousins told her young son that he needs to stop playing a video game in order to share with another cousin.
Without any pouting or unhappiness, he handed the controller over to his cousin. Later, one of the other parents of a young child asked the kid to share her toy and she flipped out.
Screaming, crying, pouting, yelling, etc. Eventually the parent had to put the kid to bed because she was so upset at giving up her toy.
My point is that both kids were asked to share, but they had different reactions. Hi Eric, I do completely understand your analogy and it representing our need for our own emotional control to create more positive outcomes in our lives, but it is also crucial to establish boundaries as well. It is quite hard to nurture someone or something and place yourself above the object in need of nurturing. But we believe that by doing things for them will somehow make them more invested in us….
Giving them the opportunity to like you by giving them space is a very selfless thing to do, actually. So let me see if I grasp this all correctly?? You are stating that in order for us to have a healthy relationship we need balance for it to work? I give a little and allow him the opportunity to give back to the relationship. Seems like a basic and idealistic approach.
Hmmmmm makes perfect sense to me … yet how do we not get this from the get go???? Karen — to answer your most recent question…. But it is a useful relationship dynamic to be aware of at the beginning of a relationship. Thank you so much for your input. I had recently met a guy and have been looking for valuable dating advices from a male perspective. D Thank you so much! Many emotionally unavailable people will consider giving aaaaaanything as neediness. My jaw was open the whole time I was reading this article because it pertains to me perfectly.
This really was an eye opener. I need to stop thinking that I need him in order to fulfill my every need. I need to make myself more busy!! And most of all, I need to be more appreciative of the amazing indescribable relationship we have.
This is the greatest relationship advice ever given. In the subject in seemed as though I had signed up for dating when it was dating and relationship tips. He was so affectionate when I first met him. He cared about my feelings and hated that something bother me so badly.
When my dad died suddenly 5 yrs. I needed to lean on him for comfort and told him. He put his job first. I would complain to him that the family needed him. He would stay in his shop all day and most of the night. Gradually he put a wall up and started to verbally and emotionally abuse me.
Told me he was tired of me nagging him. Later the physical abuse came. He has a rage and anger issues. I almost started believing something was wrong with me. I was raised to believe that family is the most important part of life.
I always stood beside him yet I feel he never stood beside me. I did research on his behavior and realized he was a victim of Passive Aggressive Behavior with Covert abuse. My question is am I wrong for demanding family time? Why would that make someone become so evil and hurtful? I just want to comment my own tale. To the gentleman who wrote earlier, I too was like that and as a future psychologist I am a huge fan of therapy to work out issues and to become the person you wish to become.
I love this article, unfortunately, I read this too late. I was in the end of my relationship. I broke up with him. The point is, the relationship was not right for me for many reasons, but because of my needy nature i put everything on hold in my life.
I was consumed a bout him and about making the relationship work. I did not achieve anything in the 6 months we dated, I did not do any new things, I did not read any new books.
Aside from talking about neediness, I like this article because it articulates how important it is to have other things going on your life so 1. All I can say is: I had a relationship with an amazing woman the like of which — and I am being reliastic here — I am unlikely to ever date again — she ticked almost every box I have ever wanted to have — essentially my dream woman. I managed to push her away with my neediness and after 9 months she dumped me and broke my heart and my mind.
Well, my bf loves to make plans and not follow thru by blowing me off, for a couple of months. Now, when I bring it up. When I tell him its over he tells me he loves me and dosent want to lose me. I did confront him of cheating he told me no. But does the same thing week after week. He rarely picks up my calls or text. I would say…every 3 things he does one thing you do one thing. This helps creating balance so that he can pursue.
Sorry but you do sound needy. The way he has acted does not deserve an invitation of any sort. HNe initied most text conversations after that but i initiated a few too. The 3rd time we met i slept with him. I wanted to wait, but i really wanted it in that moment and i thought i shouldnt try to manipulate the siuation. Anyway later that evening, he texted me asking how im doing etc, but after texting back he took over a day to reply.
After i replied to that he didnt text back anymore. He didnt text to say if he was coming to the market, so on the saturday i called him once but he didnt pick up so i guess he was sleeping. Later that day he called me back but i missed it. So 12 mins later i called him, again he didnt pick up.
So i texted saying i was around earlier but i guess he was sleeping. Late that night he texted back saying he hoped i had fun and that he had an exam the next day. This time i replied 2 days later, and it has been 3 days and still no reply. I had got free tickets to a comedy show and asked if he wanted to come, he asked when it was, i told him when, and he hasnt replied. Do i come across as too needy? Two months ago, my husband passed away. A good friend of my husband started texting me right away and he said he was just making sure I was ok and also that we were comforting each other through the loss.
At first it was very casual and random texting and then he would text stuff like xoxoxo, sweet dreams sweetie, how did you sleep last night, and he mentioned getting together in the new year with my one year old son. It happened to be a night he texted me, how are you doing? After that text he was upset and said I think way too much and that he was just busy. I never really initiated the texts, ever but it hurts a lot when someone asks me to confide in them about the death of my husband and then leave my answer hanging for days.
Was I too needy in this situation? I feel very hurt and misunderstood, and even more lonely now. This question is for Eric. If your BF has been off and on like that it is a clue that he loves you but feels guilty about something….. You need to pull this boy aside and ask him point blank if he is having a relationship with his ex for the following reasons: You don;t want to contract any STDs. You need to live your life based on honesty and truthful information.
Ask him to provide proof of bank account statements, phone records etc. Some women will try and throw the wrench in the fan when they see an ex happy….. I have been in a relationship with my bf for a yr now. If thats the case how would you bring that up without coming across as needy? For instance, my boyfriend Saturday night said that he would give me a call after a football game on Sunday and he never called. If your focus is having an outstanding, amazing, deeply loving relationship with this guy, then you probably would think of him not calling as a slight annoyance and just let it slide while you do other things.
All he did was not call you after a football game. Do you want a relationship where you get bent out of shape over minor, tiny little issues or do you want a relationship where your man is head over heels devoted to you because you make him feel great being with you and you choose your battles carefully… if even at all. Think about it… hope it helps. You have really great advice! I had the same question as Stephanie. Or do you give him a taste of his own medicine the next day and ignore him?
I guess it is a small issue like you said when you are looking at the bigger picture. Should you ignore them when they call or text, to seem like you are a challenge or do you respond to him and ignore that he ignored you in the first place? Thanks for all your advice!! Hey Eric No problem……. I think at 49 and 3 kids later — last all natural at 46! And being a writer and philosophical thinker myself!!! But I really appreciate your ability to meld together the more mainstream outlook of relationships with spiritual depths..
I think this is a very successful road to take becuase you will touch a broader audience…. Hey Maja — Yes, you definitely have a good understanding of the core problem.
That makes me feel good because I try hard to get the ideas you mentioned above across. Thank you for that comment — it makes me feel good to know that my message is getting across.
I wish I read this article weeks ago. I have been dating a guy for about two months now. Everything was perfect for the first month or so, and then he stopped talking to me for two days. I played cool and everything went back to normal. Then he did it again a couple weeks later and I called him out on it asking what was up, etc. Well on fri we met up after work for a really nice dinner. I offered to pay half and he refused. We walked to our cars. Well I hit him up fri afternoon and called on sun but no response.
Iamges: dating a guy who takes drugs
Im ready to be his girlfriend and he is taking too long to ask me. He knew that I am moving to Japan, so he wanted to just have fun, nothing serious, and enjoy our time together before I move. By reading this article I have received more practical solutions within the last five minutes of my life than I ever have reading any relationship column!
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Michelle Hello Eric, So I have been dating this guy for 3 mos, we are official. He knew that I am rrugs to Japan, so he wanted to just have fun, nothing serious, and enjoy our time together before I move. The way he has acted does not deserve an invitation of any sort. My jaw was open the whole time I was reading this article because it pertains to me perfectly. Could I get your opinion as to why he went from all lovey dovey to distance distance distance, is it really because of me christian dating in ukraine needy? Ami Eric, first of all I love you and dating a guy who takes drugs website.
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