My Boyfriend is Active on Online Dating Sites
Drop him like a bad habit It was beautiful and fulfilling and precious. I have spoken with him about this about a week ago now - and told him that it makes me uncomfortable. Honestly, both of you seem to have hurt one another for quite some time. When I talk to him about it, he get's defensive. I used to be a drug addict until I found out I was pregnant. What do I do?
The breakup happened a week ago, but the crumbling and breakdown of the once-amazing relationship we had happened about three months ago. We wanted different things, we needed different things. When we met, I was carefree, fun and independent. He had the willingness and time to dedicate days on end to me and to us. When things got tough, the cracks began to show. The most haunting thing is that, around two months ago, I gave him an ultimatum: I have no hate for him as an individual or our relationship.
It was beautiful and fulfilling and precious. The day after the breakup, I joined Tinder. Partly because I wanted to see if he was on there he was and partly because I was joking around and putting on a brave face. As I was swiping vigorously from one guy to the next, an incredible thing happened.
I got matches — actual matches from possibly actual men. Sure, these men knew absolutely nothing about who I really was, I guess they just like my glasses and boobs. But the mere fact that I could still be considered attractive after everything that had happened meant the world.
Until he does something like break a date, or not where he say he is Now if it is a paid site and he paying Most of the people I exchange emails with are from other countries, so I know I always keep a profile until marriage. But if you suspect he using it to date. Then get the proof you need and then decide. But having a free profile is not a good reason to dump someone. He is not commited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! His defensiveness is your first clue hon. Drop him like a bad habit This reminds me of a little story short from my youth, when one night I asked him, "are you here unless you find someone else, or until?
I left the following morning At your age mind you I am also thinking of my own Well, you are on a dating site. So, I would think you would both delete your profiles and focus on your relationship since it's an issue.
And neither are you, you're on here too. Aren't you too old to be chasing your boyfriend around on the interweeb? The last guy I was dating did the same exact thing. Take a few moments to think about his response before you answer back; get your feelings in order, and tell him honestly how this makes you feel.
Then ask him if he's willing to delete the profile. If he is, take him at his word. If he isn't, tell him that this communicates to you that he wants to keep his options open. This way if he wants, he can still participate in the forums if that's something he normally does. If he's unwilling, or attempts to tell you that "it's nothing, please don't worry" or any other such drivel, do not give him an ultimatum.
Simply tell him that this hurts you, it makes it difficult for you to trust him, and you aren't sure you can stay with someone who wouldn't be willing to make what's honestly a pretty simple and meaningless sacrifice as closing down a profile on a dating website. Some people however to have an active social life on sites, so to lose that could be deemed as unreasonable.
Whatever happens, will happen regardless, I'd advise you to trust in him, and not look for his profiles, feeling trust goes a long way to giving it and builds a healthier relationship.
At the end of the day, if he's going to meet someone else, he'll do it, but if he cares for you, he wont, no matter what sites he's one.
Only you can decide how the play it out, its about how you can come to terms with it, and how deeply it affects you, communication is a great thing though, so try and discuss it with him, and dont get hung up over it. I hope that makse some sense. With him knowing that this makes me uncomfortable - he has since then updated his profile and added new pictures and stuff. I want to trust him and I know he is not cheating on me because we spend every single night together.
There is not a night that we are not together unless he is out of town or I am out of town. And his profile does still say single as does his my space page. I really appreciate all of your advice - and I look forward to others advice. I think you have a right to be suspicious about this behavior.
If you've already talked to him about this and he isn't changing his behavior, its pretty obvious that he doesn't care about you as much as you do about him or at least he isn't taking this relationship as seriously.
You either have an exculsive arrangement or you don't. You either have trust or you don't. You either honor your expectations or you don't. I'm surprised you even have to ask. Then again, I know confusig these situations can be The writing is on the wall. But that's just me. A dating website is a dating website, even if one says they aren't there for dates.
I don't personally understand why someone would maintain a profile while they're in a committed relationship. There's nothing that says it can't be rewritten if things go south and the relationship ends. All I know is I'd be uncomfortable personally if I were in a committed relationship with a woman and she wanted to maintain an active profile on this or any other website; "for the forums only" or not, it's still a dating website, and I just don't think people who are in a relationship belong here.
Didnt look on the computer or anything. When it went all pair shaped the first thing i did was check the history of the computer and lo and behold he was on the dating sites. In fact he had been up on the dating sites 8 months including while we got engaged. The humilation that was felt you can not believe.
Sorry OP, but he does not think much of you at all if he still after talking to him has not taken his profile down and it suggests to me he is not as happy or as committed to you as you are to him. Personally i would say if you dont take it down we are done end of, i deserve to be treated better than this. You're a "get me by" til he finds what he really wants. Yeah you can trust someone or not by their actions and he is showing you that he is making himself available for new opportunities--and he even took the time to update his pictures!
I would be furious, and it would be clear to me he didn't respect me if he can't simply take his profile down or make it clear he is in a committed relationship. Personally because I know this is such a universal issue amoung online daters before I got committed to someone, I would make sure our values matched, particially find out how he felt about profiles being up after serious with someone, if he didn't see it as an issue, I would say goodbye.
Seriously though, here's a novel idea: You tried talking to him, and instead of getting off the site, he upgraded it! If you wanted to give him one last chance to do the decent thing, why not ask him how he would feel if the boot was on the other foot? If he thinks anything of you, this might wake him up a bit.
Iamges: boyfriend joined dating website
I don't think the updating the profile and changing pictures is the issue it's the lack of the letting people know he is in a committed relationship. Of course, I am too in a way — as if the perfect man walked into my life tomorrow, I might consider him, but I am not actively looking or leading a fantasy life. Found my boyfriend on a sex site, so I told him I had enough, and dumped him.
Some guys might grow out of it, some might not. Did he have one? I was in a rocky relationship and barley found out he was cheating and was on numerous dating sites.
Am I looking for someone to share funny things with, boyfriend joined dating website with and talk shit with? If he doesn't then the only boyfriend joined dating website you can be sure of his actions is to 100 free uganda dating sites a freind try jojned contact him just to see. If a guy is behaving this way it means one of two things. Right now, you need a little help with communication skills. The last guy I was dating daitng the same exact thing.
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